When it comes to playing Frisbee, less is more. You don’t need a fancy Frisbee or floor space for long games and you won’t get hurt having a whole soccer team throw at you from the sidelines. All you need is your trusty Discraft Disc and the will to make like an angry puppy with a rubber toy and pixel 3xl frisbee backgrounds.
1. You’re not a snob.
Moms might resent it, but kids will not. You have to have the heart of a dog…more akin to a hound dog than a retriever–if you don’t want to be attacked, don’t run up and down the field with those fancy discs. Frisbee players are sort of like wine geeks. They’ll tell you about nose, tannins and mouth feel. But not you. You just want to drink it, then pee on the wall. (The Frisbee kind, not the wine kind.)
2. You’re not a jerk.
Frisbee is a cooperative sport. You’re not trying to show off with fancy throws or trick shots. You’re just out there throwing T-bones and making friends in the process. You don’t find yourself shrieking at the top of your lungs or blowing the Frisbee in people’s faces. You just want to push the world around you off a cliff and catch it, catch it, catch it!
3. You’re not afraid of dogs.
You know you shouldn’t feed them but you let them lick you anyway. The dog knows all about Frisbee, though: it smells blood in the water and takes off to find prey. And even if you throw him down, he’ll be back to play when he gets hungry again.
4. It’s not a toy.
Frisbee is a sport. You’ll know when you’re playing sport and not playing with toys because you’ll be so worked up about it. You know it isn’t, but you still feel like it is. You throw it with the same thoughtfulness that you use for toilet paper. Nobody would ever play Frisbee with you if they saw how you treated it like a toy!
5. You don’t need the rules.
You know what that is, and how the disc moves, but you don’t need all those silly rules. You can think for yourself. You always have your own rule book and read it before every game to teach newbies how to play right, but you always break the rules anyway because they are stupid!
6. You can throw a Frisbee really far.
You’re not sure why, but you can throw a Frisbee very far. In fact, you throw it further than any human being ever has and when you start throwing past the other players, they all stop playing and run away from the sound of your disc. And so can everyone else. How do you think they got all this space? Do you think we even need to rent it out for games anymore?
7. You don’t have a disc golf bag.
You don’t worry about the couple of discs you have. Discs are like rocks, only better. You could crush them flat and use them as door stoppers. You have a big pocket on your jean shorts for little rocks and other things, but there’s no room for Frisbees!
8. You don’t take Discraft advice from strangers.
That guy on the Internet telling you not to put weight on the edge of the Discraft Disc is a stranger anyway and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If you do, it’s only for the sake of figuring out what discs to buy when you’re drunk and can’t remember. You know Discraft almost does everything right and this is the only place where you disagree.
9. You don’t like the plastic discs.
Well, there are too many colors! And they look like toys! What if somebody sees you playing with the stupid things? You prefer to call them, “plastics,” and so do other people that only use plastics instead of good discs. You really miss the ones that were made of paper, but you’ll just have to settle for some of the other ones being made out of plastic.
10. You knew all about this game before you started playing it.
It’s not like you were one of those people who would never throw a Frisbee in the first place.
The point of all this is to make you the best Frisbee player you can be, so that no one ever tries to play with you again. You’ve seen Frisbee in movies and on TV so many times that you could know everything about the sport by watching only the commercials! If there’s something to know, chances are you already do, even though they told you it was a secret!
This is true Frisbee at its best! If you’ve read this and thought, “How did I not know about this before?!?,” then your friends don’t play Frisbee enough. Whenever they play again, you’ll be there, ready to take it to the next level (which, unfortunately, is probably just around the corner.) The only real way to tell if you are ready for Frisbee is to have a good group of friends, a couple of cans of Budweiser and a Frisbee. The rest will come naturally.